I'm Broken
by Master Spock
Summary: The Doctor and Amy share an angsty moment. Potential spoilers for 'The Beast Below' dark Doctor.


**Someone asked me once about my time spent with the Doctor. They asked me if I'd ever seen him in a moment of weakness, had I ever seen him sad or crying. It took me a while to think back over all our adventures, all the time we'd spent between journeys on board the Tardis and there was only one time I could think of, just the one.**

**One night, it was very late. I was fumbling my way through the Tardis looking for a working tap so I could get some water. I remember distinctly finding it amusing that there were over seven taps in the Tardis and none of them led to water, I decided that night to think out of the box and look for other ways I could get a drink. I eventually ended up near the Doctor's room, although I didn't know it at the time. Without a second though I pushed open the solid door much to his surprise. That was when I saw him at his weakest. Curled up in an armchair he sat watching the stars filter past a porthole which wasn't obvious from the Tardis' exterior, he'd unknotted his bow tie and his braces hung loosely around his middle. It took him a while but eventually he looked at me, his eyes glistening and said something that tore my heart in half.**

"**Amy I'm broken."**

"What do you mean you're broken?" Amy asked kneeling next to the chair, placing a gentle hand on his knee.

"I'm broken." He insisted as though repetition would make Amy understand.

"I'm sure you're not Doctor, now the Tardis that's a different matter." Amy smiled trying to lighten the mood. "Are you alright?"

The Doctor said nothing and drew his knees up to his chest resting his chin against them, his expression was neutral but for the crystal rivers that ran down his cheek fighting for freedom. Embarrassed the Doctor buried his face in his arms and began to cry openly, there was no shame with Amy nor would he receive judgement but still he couldn't bear to look at her. She was supposed to be his companion, what would she think of him now? Would she ever trust him to keep her safe again?

"Doctor you're not broken, you're beautiful and… remember those things I said back on the Star Whale? Well that's still true, you are a kind person…" Amy said hopefully, she placed the glass to one side and lent backwards against the chair letting her long legs stretch out in front of her.

"Being kind isn't enough Amy, not anymore. I'm a fool, I let people down and I'm just getting worse, it's like I'm degrading or… Maybe I'm flawed this time, maybe the only way to stop this cycle is to regenerate again…"

"But that would mean."

"Shush Amy. I don't need it spelling out to me I know what it means."

They fell to silence and Amy could've sworn she could hear his two hearts thumping against his chest, hard, panicked. She turned around and rested her chin on the Doctor's legs which he'd extended and tucked round one side of her. His focus was still straight ahead and he was chewing his nails, she squeezed his knee and smiled when he looked down at her smiling gently in return.

"You'll be fine Doctor trust me."

"Anyway, Amelia, my dear complicated Miss Pond, what are you doing in here?"

"I was… looking for some water actually, where is there a working sink?"

"There's one in the wardrobe over there." He gestured to an old battered oak wardrobe, Amy didn't believe him at first, sensing this the Doctor grabbed the glass and walked over to the wardrobe the doors opening with a distinct creak. Sure enough he was telling the truth and he filled the glass for her, handing it back to her with a smile. "I'll never lie to you Amy you know that."

**He seemed to go back to normal after that, he set about explaining to me the many incarnations of the Tardis he'd seen and even a little about his other forms. I didn't really understand ****a lot of what he was talking about, but he was so excited I kept quiet and just listened. You see in the back of my mind I know there is still that dark Doctor, the broody self loathing Time Lord. But I daren't ask him to confront him, it's not my place to question him.**


End file.
